Skip to My Lu My Darling
by Mr. Semaj
Summary: The Manger Babies become a major success, and even gains its first Emmy nomination. Things couldn't be better for Luanne until an unsuccessful puppeteer claims prior ownership of the puppets. But Connie suspects something when he wants in on the success.
1. Chapter 1

King of the Hill

A Connie & Luanne Episode

Skip to My Lu My Darling

Written by Mr. Semaj

**Prologue**

_At Arlen First Methodist Church, Luanne is in her dressing room putting the finishing touches on something..._

_She is sitting at her mirror, as she finishes brushing the donkey's hair. She combs the cat's whiskers, strokes the octopus' tentacles, and dusts off the penguin's hat._

_Luanne takes a deep breath..._

**Luanne**: "Showtime!"

**Act I**

**Scene I – Manger Babies at the Smorgasbord**

_One Sunday afternoon, at Arlen Methodist Church, Luanne entertains the children at Sunday school._

**Luanne**: "Once upon a time, almost two thousands of years ago, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was born.

In a manger.

And in that manger lived the cutest little animals.

This…is their…story."

_(singing):_ "After Jesus left, King Herod came  
Demanding first-born sons.  
He cast an evil spell on them,  
Freezing everyone.  
Long ago I bought a Nativity scene  
At a yard sale second-hand.  
They came to life and then, amen!  
I met the Manger Babies!  
There's Obadiah the donkey -- he says "Eee-yaa!"   
Hosea the cat -- "Meow meow!"  
An octopus too -- "Gurgle gurgle!"  
And let's not forget a very British bird,  
Sir Reginald Featherbottom the Third.  
"Charmed, I'm sure, guv'nor."  
They are the Manger Babies, getting in trouble,  
Manger Babies, spreading God's message of love,  
Manger Babies...  
MANGER BABIES!"

_Audience applauds._

**Luanne**: "Good afternoon. How is everyone today?"

**Audience**: "Great!!"

**Obadiah**: "Hee-haw! How's your day today?"

**Hosea**: "My day is just meow-velous."

**Octopus**: "Gurgle-gurgle..."

**Sir Reginald**: "Such a capital day indeed, ol' chap!"

**Luanne**: "And do you know why it's a marvelous day?"

**Manger Babies**: "Why?"

**Luanne**: "Because it's...SUNDAY!!"

"We go to church, and praise Jesus. Then, when we get home, we have a big, beautiful Sunday dinner!"

**Sir Reginald**: "I say, what do we have for dinner?"

**Obadiah**: "How about some fresh bluegrass? Hee-haw!"

**Luanne**: "Well, I prefer some stuffing, fresh peas, and some delicious cornbread muffins."

**Children**: "Mmm..."

_Luanne takes her bow as she goes on to the next Act._

**Luanne**: "You know, we usually have our dinners at home after church. But since today is an extra-terrific today, let's all go out to a smorgasbord!"

**Manger Babies**: "Yay!!"

**Obadiah**: "What are you guys going to get?"

**Hosea**: "Meow-don't know. What are you guys going to get?"

**Octopus**: "Gurgle. Gurgle-gurgle?"

**Sir Reginald**: "I'm not sure. What are you blokes goin' to eat?"

**Luanne**: "Why don't we go there and find out?"

_By the end of the third act, the Manger Babies have completed their outing at the smorgasbord._

**Hosea**: "Meow! That meal was wonderful!"

**Sir Reginald**: "I concur."

**Obadiah**: "Me three."

**Octopus**: "Gurgle."

**Luanne**: "And what have we all learned today?"

**Audience**: "How we must pray before and after every meal."

**Luanne**: "That's right!

So remember kids, it is always important to give your attention to Jesus. A few hours of praise on Sunday mornings is all he asks, and he will reward you with a nice, rich dinner. Thank you!"

_Audience applauds._

**Scene II – Aftershow Admiration**

_After the show, the audience leaves. A man enters Reverend Stroup's office, as the reverend is about to leave. It's Bill._

**Bill**: "Good afternoon, ma'am."

**Reverend Stroup**: "Good afternoon, Bill."

**Bill**: "I quite enjoyed Luanne's performance today."

**Reverend Stroup**: "So did I."

**Bill**: "How about a dinner at Sugarfoot's? My treat."

**Reverend Stroup**: "Of course, hon."

_Reverend Stroup races out the door._

**Reverend Stroup**: "Last one to the car tips the waiter!"

_Bill chases after her as the couple laughs giddily._

_In the activities/theatre room, children are standing in line to get Luanne's autograph. Joseph stops by._

**Joseph**: "Hey, Luanne."

**Luanne**: "Hey Joseph."

**Joseph**: "Great show today. How's it going?"

**Luanne**: "Pretty good. These kids say they want my 'John Hancock', but how can you own someone who's not your child?"

_A man steps into the room._

**Nate**: "Excuse me?"

_He walks over to Luanne._

**Nate**: "I just wanted to give you much kudos to your fledging Manger Babies." _(shakes Luanne's hand)_

**Luanne**: "Why thank you. Who are you?"

**Nate**: "My name is Nate. I was the one who sold you the puppets at a garage sale my roommate and I held nine years ago."

**Luanne**: "Really?"

**Nate**: "Sure.

You came with a man and his boy one day in January. You seemed pretty down in the dumps. But once you found the puppets, and your uncle was nice enough to buy them for you, it put a sparkle in your eyes that could make even the strongest men cry.

What kind of human would I be _not_ to sell the puppets to you?"

**Luanne**: "I don't know. What kind of humans are there?"

**Joseph**: "But dude, where did you get the puppets from?"

**Nate**: "They had been in a thrift store since the 70's. I bought them one day to entertain my cousin. But like most children, she outgrew them, and they were no use to us anymore."

**Luanne**: "Mr. Nate, I can assure you that no one is too old or too young for the Manger Babies. Not as long as there's a ray of hope in this brave new world." _(rays shine from the sanctuary window)_

**Joseph**. "Whoa, that's deep."

**Scene III – The Big News**

_The next morning, Luanne leaves for work. Kahn is leaving for work. Minh is watering her front garden. Doggie is playing with a bone._

_As Luanne goes to her car, she is stopped by Nancy._

**Nancy**: "Oh, Sug! Nice to see you!"

**Luanne**: "Hey, Mrs. Gribble."

**Nancy**: "Listen, I wanted to tell you how impressed I am with the Manger Babies. It's one of our favorite shows down at Channel 84 News."

**Luanne**: "Really?"

**Nancy**: "Yes really, Sug.

The real reason I wanted to see you is to tell you that this is the time of year that we pick nominees among our local programs for the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences. We pick only the finest programs and specials that have aired throughout the year."

**Luanne**: "That's great Mrs. Gribble. But what does that have to do with me?"

**Nancy**: "Sug, the Manger Babies have been nominated for Best Family Program!"

_Luanne shrieks with delight as she jumps and hugs Nancy._

**Nancy**: "Congradulations, Sug!"

_On the front page of the Arlen Bystander, the major headline is in: "Local Children's' Entertainer Snags First Emmy Nomination"_

**Scene IV – The Picnic**

_On a warm Saturday, Luanne, accompanied by Connie, Lucky, Joseph, and Bobby, all go out to Arlen Park for a picnic._

**Connie **_(inhales the fresh air)_: "What a marvelous day for a picnic."

**Lucky**: "It's a mighty fine day to celebrate, what with Luanne making it big off the Manger Babies."

_The gang stops at a hill overviewing a large meadow._

**Connie**: "Here we are."

_After the picnic sheet is set up, everybody is sitting and enjoying their lunch._

**Joseph**: "Hey Luanne. I got a question."

**Luanne**: "Yes?"

**Joseph**: "There was one episode where Hosea had trouble cleaning out her closet, but she had this leftover box of catnip. What was the idea behind that?"

**Luanne**: "It was from her kitten years. Hosea always took a spoonful of catnip when she was under stress."

**Joseph**: "For like what?"

**Luanne**: "Um…"

**Maria**: "It was an anti-drug message. Kids shouldn't take marijuana, nicotine, or any of that crap."

**Bobby**: "A lot of celebrities died from drugs; Chris Farley, John Belushi, Paul Lynde..."

**Connie**: "And Charlie Parker."

**Lucky**: "Don't they got programs in today's schools to keep kids off drugs?"

**Connie**: "Yes."

**Maria**: "But most of the seniors take up smoking before they even graduate. I heard one from 1995 died with a diploma in his hand."

**Connie**: "The programs have no effect whatsoever. It's sad, really."

**Joseph**: "So that must explain those asphyxiation stories they've had on 20/20."

**Bobby**: "Some kids get bored with more conventional drugs, so they turned to self-torture and abusing over-the-counter drugs."

**Joseph**: "Whoa…that's deep."

**Luanne**: "Well, that was certainly deeper than I was going for.

The idea was to show how Hosea changed from an undisciplined young kitty into a beautiful queen. Think of it more as a metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly."

_A butterfly flies through the air. It flies close to the picnic site, and lands on Luanne's nose._

**Maria** _(whispers)_: "If we're real quiet, we can catch it."

_Luanne sniffles, and the butterfly flies away._

**Maria**: "There it goes. Let's get it!"

**Connie**: "Wait up!"

**Luanne**: "Me too!"

_While the girls go out in the meadow, the boys stay on the hill to chat. Bobby starts munching blueberries from a nearby bush._

**Lucky**: "Look at her." _(looks at Luanne)_

"That soft gold hair swishing in the breeze. A true inner-child, and I married her. Our baby child is going to be mighty blessed to have her as a mom. It makes my life of semi-retirement truly worth it."

**Bobby**: "I can only imagine, Lucky. But look at her." _(points at Maria)_

"So dark, and yet so bright. She's never afraid to take a challenge; it's as if she knows the true meaning of life. Not many girls are like her around here."

**Joseph**: "Right, but take a look at her." _(points to Connie)_

"She's smart, sharp, _and_ funny. She can apply to any university she wants to. Heck, she even has the know-how to establish her own university. Best of all…she is one…hot…piece…of ace."

**Bobby**: "Yeah, I know. Savor every last bit of her while you can, Joseph. Some people in this world are a once in a lifetime opportunity.

People like…Maria."

**Joseph**: "Connie."

**Lucky**: "Luanne."

_All males sigh._

_The females continue playing in the meadow, as they had forgotten about the butterfly. The butterfly flies high in the sky._

**Scene V – A Visit from a Critic**

_The next day, after the show, Luanne and Lucky are on their way to Reverend Stroup's office for an appointment. She is stopped by a child and his mom._

**Boy**: "Look mom! It's the creator of Manger Babies!"

**Mom**: "Oh excuse me, miss! Can I get a picture of you with my son? He's a big fan."

**Luanne**: "Sure."

_Luanne poses with a great, cheerful smile with the child._

**Mom**: "Thank you very much. God bless you!"

_Luanne waves goodbye as she and Lucky walk away._

_The meeting begins in reverend Stroup's office._

**Luanne**: "Good afternoon, Reverend Stroup."

**Reverend Stroup**: "Good afternoon, Luanne."

**Luanne**: "How are you and Mr. Dauterive doing?"

**Reverend Stroup**: "Never better, never better.

Luanne, your show Manger Babies is doing extremely well this season!"

**Luanne**: "Really?"

**Reverend Stroup**: "Absolutely, hon. Nancy says it's been in the Top 5 column for the past six weeks! You must've really made an impression on the children this past Easter."

**Luanne**: "I guess so. Though I always thought the Christmas show was the peak of the series."

**Reverend Stroup**: "And we want the Manger Babies to see many more Christmases. It's time to pay back your loan."

**Luanne**: "I'm sorry, what loan?"

**Reverend Stroup**: "The loan I gave you one time for new props and stage refurbishment from when you were behind on your bills."

**Luanne**: "Oh sorry, Reverend Stroup. I don't have it today."

**Lucky**: "It's been a tough ride, ma'am. Luanne is about to be a mommy, and we're trying to revise our budget to make room for baby clothes, baby food, some toys, and a crib."

**Reverend Stroup**: "I understand. But remember, who's the executive producer here?"

**Luanne**: "You are." _(writes out a check and hands it to her)_

**Reverend Stroup**: "Thanks, hon. You'll get your check by Friday."

_Just then, a voice comes from the door._

**Jamie J. Weinman**: "Excuse me, Reverend Stroup. I came for a review on your Manger Babies program."

**Luanne** _(whispers)_: "Who is that?"

**Reverend Stroup** _(whispers)_: "I don't know. But he says he's from Canada."

_Luanne walks over to greet the critic._

**Luanne**: "Hello." _(shakes hands)_

**Jamie J. Weinman**: "Ms. Platter. I was composing an article for my blog, when I came across the website for Arlen First Methodist Church. Apparently, your marionette show is a big hit among the locals."

**Luanne**: "It sure is. We get our biggest ratings during the Easter and Christmas seasons."

**Reverend Stroup**: "And it's nominated for its first local Emmy."

**Weinman**: "I see. So, I stopped by to see if I can get an exclusive interview with the mastermind behind this fledging franchise."

**Luanne** _(looks around the room)_: "Who?"

**Weinman**: "You! My interview, regardless of any given subjectivity, will focus on the aspects of quality television in our modern era.

So, what do you say, Ms. Platter?"

**Luanne**: "Of course I will."

**Lucky**: "Mornin', Mr. Critic." _(extends hand for a handshake, but gets nothing)_

**Weinman**: "Who the hell are you?"

**Scene VI – The Revelation**

_That afternoon, following the interview, Luanne drives into the driveway at home. Connie is waiting on her front stoop to greet her._

**Connie**: "Luanne!"

**Luanne**: "Connie!"

_The girls hug._

**Connie**: "I saw your show today."

**Luanne**: "Did you like it."

**Connie**: "As always.

So what happened today?"

**Luanne**: "I had an interview with a critic. The Manger Babies somehow gained attention outside our own community."

**Connie**: "That's because you've really got it made, Luanne! The Manger Babies is among the top-rated programs in the local syndicate. The show is a favorite among both kids _and_ adults. And it's nominated for an Emmy!"

**Luanne**: "Yes, but I'm not doing this for the fame. Television needs more shows that can entertain and educate without one overwhelming the other.

But I agree. It certainly doesn't get any better than this!"

_The next morning, the newest Arlen Bystander is delivered to everyone's homes. Boomhauer collects his newspaper from his front step. His latest date drags him back in the house._

_Meanwhile, way out in Wichita Falls, a man is strolling in the business district. He collects an issue of Arlen Bystander from a nearby newspaper machine. He reads in the entertainment section about the Manger Babies..._

_That afternoon, at the Hills' house, the doorbell rings. Luanne answers it._

**Luanne**: "Hello?"

**Man**: "Good afternoon, Mrs. Platter. I'm aware that you're the creator of the Manger Babies?"

**Luanne**: "Yes. Please come in."

_The man continues his explanation as he walks in._

**Man**: "I noticed that you regularly use four puppets for your show, puppets that once belonged to a proprietor by the name of Jacques Q. Patterson, former owner of Patterson Puppets."

**Luanne**: "But I found them in a garage sale nine years ago. How could know all of this?"

**Man**: "Mrs. Platter, I _am_ Jacques Patterson."

_Luanne gasps._

**(end of Act I)**


	2. Chapter 2

King of the Hill

A Connie & Luanne Episode

Skip to My Lu My Darling

Written by Mr. Semaj

**Act II**

**Scene I – Former Owner**

_Luanne and Patterson meet Reverend Stroup in her office that day to confirm this sudden revelation. Reverend Stroup reads some documents laying out Patterson's priorities on the puppets._

**Reverend Stroup**: "Gee, it looks like this man is telling the truth, Luanne."

**Patterson**: "That is right. I had to surrender the poor marionettes back in 1964 to save some personal finances.

But forty-plus years later, I hear that Patterson Puppets have found new life in the form of a Christian puppet show, which I think is adorable. And as the original owner of these commodities, I would like a fair share of wealth from their newly-discovered recognition."

**Reverend Stroup**: "Uh…what do you say, Luanne? It's all up to you."

_Luanne looks up at Patterson, as he looks back at her with an innocent glaze in his eyes._

**Luanne**: "Um…I don't know..."

_Everyone looks confused, not knowing what to do._

_The next day, after work, Luanne, Connie, Hank, Joseph, Bobby, Lucky, and Maria all assemble in the Hills' living room._

**Hank**: "So you're saying that this guy comes out of the blue and claims ownership of the Manger Babies?"

**Luanne**: "Uh-huh. I feel that since I helped his puppets regain recognition after forty-three years, I owe him some recognition for the show's success."

**Bobby**: "But they're _your_ puppets. Dad bought them for you at a garage sale before Superbowl XXXII."

**Maria**: "He could just be some gold-digger looking to rip you off for everything you've got."

**Lucky**: "Luanne, baby, I have no experience in show biz, but I do know where entertainment is going these days. It's best you be careful how much control you give to this feller."

**Joseph**: "His input could majorly affect the quality of the show."

**Luanne**: "Well, I meet with him again tomorrow, so it's not a done deal yet."

**Connie**: "Whatever decision you make, we're right behind you, Luanne."

_Luanne receives momentary consolation from her family and friends._

**Scene II – The Vision**

_That night, Luanne is combing her hair while she and Lucky are getting ready for bed._

**Lucky**: "So, have you made up your mind about the Manger Babies yet?"

**Luanne**: "No, Lucky. Tomorrow will be a new day; hopefully by then, I can think about this more clearly." _(places her brush down)_

**Lucky**: "You've been working pretty hard lately. You got your job at the barbershop and at the church. And you'll be having a third job as a mother pretty soon. Maybe it's time for a little delegation?"

**Luanne**: "I'll think about it." _(climbs into bed)_

_The two kiss each other good night._

_As Luanne sleeps, she begins to dream…_

_She's working as a servant on an upperclassman's farm. She has to carry two buckets of water from the well back to the estate._

_She sees another woman struggling with three buckets, and thinks about helping her. But there is the overwhelming consequence of what would happen should she be caught procrastinating…_

_Just then, clouds appear in the sky. Thunder booms, and some rain begins to pour. The distressed woman trips in the mud. Luanne still doesn't know what to do. _

_A bolt of lightning strikes, and gives her a stone scripture. Luanne reads it, which is from the book of Ecclesiastes._

_In Chapter 4, Verse 9-10, it reads:_

_It's better to have a partner than go it alone.  
Share the work, share the wealth.  
And if one falls down, the other helps,  
But if there's no one to help, tough!_

_Luanne looks at the woman again. She walks over, and lifts the third bucket for her. The two women walk together in the storm with five buckets back to the estate…_

_Luanne wakes up._

**Luanne**: "I have made my decision!"

**Scene III - The Proposition**

_The next day, Luanne meets with Patterson and Reverend Stroup again._

**Luanne**: "After much thought and consideration, I have decided to appoint Mr. Patterson as creative consultant of the Manger Babies."

**Reverend Stroup**: "Mr. Patterson, welcome aboard." _(shakes Patterson's hand)_

**Patterson**: "Splendid! After all these years, there's a second chance!

Of course, now there's the matter of obligations."

**Luanne**: "Like what?"

**Patterson**: "On this legally binding contract."

_Luanne skims through it._

**Patterson**: "To make it short, I'm now involved in any future operatives involving the Manger Babies. That includes production of the series, merchandising, and the eventual release of episodes on DVD."

_Luanne pauses…_

**Luanne**: "Well, this is what we just agreed upon."

_She then signs the contract. She shakes hands with Patterson._

_After a while, Luanne shares with her history with the Manger Babies, as they prepare plans for the next show._

**Luanne**: "…And then after the Superbowl, the show became a series regular, and we've done occasional specials with Arlen Public Access, especially during the holidays. We're still among the best known programs in local broadcasting."

**Patterson**: "You don't say."

**Luanne**: "But I just did.

Each week, I make sure the Manger Babies are clean and polished, and I have Bible study on Tuesdays and Thursdays for new material. We broadcast live every Sundays at noon, and we have a half-hour session with our fans after each show.

I'm expecting in a couple months, but it's almost like I've already taken care of children." _(rubs her belly)_

**Patterson**: "Yes. Based from what you and Reverend Stroup have described, it looks like you have taken good care of my puppets over the past nine years. You've even chosen my four best puppets.

**Luanne**: "Of course. This is Obadiah the Donkey, Hosea the Cat, Octopus, and Sir Reginald Featherbottom III."

**Patterson**: "Correction: That's Dunstan the Donkey, Casey the Cat, Octavio O. Octopus VIII, and Percy the Penguin, all in their original form. That's how we will be referring them as from now on."

**Luanne**: "Um, does it matter if Octopus…"

**Patterson**: "Octavio."

**Luanne**: "…Octavio has six legs?"

**Patterson**: "You tell me. Does it matter if Squidward have six tentacles? SpongeBob and Patrick don't seem to care."

**Luanne**: "I guess you're right.

Anyway, here is my newest script." _(hands Patterson the script)_

_Patterson reviews the script for a moment._

_Luanne waits for further verdict._

**Patterson**: "Not bad. Not Shakespearian, but good nonetheless.

However, the names will have to change, as per our agreement."

**Luanne** _(uneasily)_: "Okay."

**Patterson**: "And, I've got a fresh new face to add to the series."

**Luanne**: "Um, alright. Who is it?"

_Patterson pulls out his briefcase.In his briefcase are some old documents and some extra puppets._

**Patterson**: "Mrs. Platter, meet Bellamy the Bumblebee!"

_What is shown is a ragged puppet with a pair of antenna dangling from his head._

**Luanne**: "Mm..he looks kinda…"

**Patterson**: "Shabby? I agree. That is why you are going to fix Bellamy up in time for our next show."

**Luanne**: "Next show?"

**Patterson**: "Next show. Bellamy the Bumblebee is going to be the star of the next episode of Manger Babies."

**Luanne**: "Mr. Patterson, I don't know about this.

People are going to have a hard-enough time adjusting to the name changes, but I certainly don't think anybody is ready for a new player."

**Patterson**: "You already seem to be forgetting that this was the original format of Patterson Puppets. I'm just picking up where I left off.

Besides, programs have to change every once in a while so they can stay fresh. You don't want your show to eventually crumble from stagnation, do you?"

**Luanne**: "Of course not. I'm sorry."

**Patterson**: "Quite. Now then…"

_Patterson continues to lay out his plans for the Manger Babies…_

**Scene IV – The New Manger Babies**

_At the Souphanousinphones', the family is having breakfast at the kitchen table. Kahn finishes his coffee while reading the newspaper. Minh collects the plate from his meal. Connie is finishing her meal. _

_While Kahn reads the newspaper, Connie notices a secondary headline that says: "Local Emmy Wins to be Announced at Season's End."_

_The next Sunday, the children tune in for the newest show of the Manger Babies._

**Boy #1**: "I heard that this new episode was going to reveal Octopus' real name."

**Girl #1**: "Oh yeah? Well I heard this episode was going to introduce Hosea's twin sister."

**Girl #2**: "Nuh-uh. This episode is where Obadiah gets a makeover."

**Boy #2**: "You're all wrong. This is the one where Featherbottom saves the Queen of England…again!"

**Boy #1**: "Ssh! It's starting."

_The curtains open as the show is about to begin._

_Luanne takes a deep breath, as she prepares for the worst from her performance. She begins the Manger Babies theme song with the characters' new names._

**Luanne** _(singing)_: After Jesus left, King Herod came  
Demanding first-born sons.  
He cast an evil spell on them,  
Freezing everyone.  
Long ago I bought a Nativity scene  
At a yard sale second-hand.  
They came to life and then, amen!  
I met the Manger Babies!  
There's Dunstan the donkey -- he says "Eee-yaa!"  
Casey the cat -- "Meow meow!"

**Children**: "Huh?!"

**Luanne** _(continues singing)_: "Octavio O. Octopus VIII -- "Gurgle gurgle!"  
And let's not forget a very British bird,  
Percy…the Penguin.  
"Charmed, I'm sure, guv'nor."  
They are the Manger Babies, getting in trouble,  
Manger Babies, spreading God's message of love,  
Manger Babies...  
MANGER BABIES!"

_The audience gives an unenthusiastic applause._

**Someone** _(whispering)_: "That was out of rhythm."

_The show begins in a field of flowers._

**Casey**: "I'm go glad you guys could help me pick flowers for my party this evening."

**Dunstan**: "Hee-haw! Don't mention it. Friends do things together."

**Percy**: "Might I recommend the merry marigold in that patch?"

_The puppets walk over to the patch._

**Octavio**: "Gurgle-gurgle."

**Casey**: "I agree. I will choose the yellow ones."

**Luanne**: "But wait, what's that?"

_A bee emerges from the flowers._

**Percy**: "Why it's a bumblebee! Run for cover, blokes!"

**Bellamy**: "No, don't run. My name is Bellamy the Bumblebee."

**Casey**: "Why hello, Bellamy."

**Dunstan**: "Nice to meet you."

**Octavio**: "Gurgle."

**Bellamy**: "I'm collecting some nectar for my honey.

Come with me. I'll show you how we make honey."

**Manger Babies**: "Yay!"

_In the audience, some of the members start muttering about the new material. Luanne notices as she cautiously continues with the play._

_By the end of the play, the audience gets restless._

**Bellamy**: "And that's how we make honey. But we bees don't like when people steal our honey. Some people may like it in salads and on waffles, but we don't like it."

**Casey**: "Of course not, Bellamy. We would never steal your honey."

**Bellamy**: "Of course you wouldn't; I'm a bee!" _(goofy laugh)_

_The Manger Babies leave the beehive._

**Casey**: "Meow! That was very educational."

**Dunstan**: "I agree. Hee-haw!"

**Percy**: "What do you say we go find out how spiders spin a web?"

**Others**: "Yay!"

_As the Manger Babies run off, Casey leaves her basket of flowers behind._

**Luanne**: "And that…is how a bee makes his honey.

The End!" _(ending theme plays)_

_The audience is silent. They then start mumbling doubtingly as they get ready to leave._

_Only a few kids bother to line up for an autograph after the show. _

**Boy**: "So, like what happened with Casey's party?"

**Luanne**: "Well, she decided to postpone it so she could spend more time in the fields that day."

**Girl**: "But why would Bellamy show them how he makes honey if he doesn't want to share?"

**Luanne**: "Some people are just like that. What matters is how _you_ deal with it."

**Boy**: "Whatever. This show wasn't that good anyway."

_The line breaks up as the grumbling kids leave._

_Patterson steps in._

**Patterson**: "So, Mrs. Platter. How did it go?"

**Luanne**: "Horrible. Everybody hated the newer version."

**Patterson**: "Ah, no worries. We'll just try again next week."

**Luanne**: "Say, why are you just showing up? Didn't you watch the show?"

**Patterson**: "I wish I could've, but I couldn't.

**Luanne**: "But you made a lot of the change from today's show!"

**Patterson**: "Somebody has to keep track of the finances and all of that other behind-the-scenes stuff. I'll probably catch it next week."

_Luanne sighs._

**Luanne**: "Well, I've got a lot of work to catch up on, so I guess I'll just send you a draft for next week's script."

**Patterson**: "Say no more. I already got the next script prepared." _(pulls out script)_

_When Luanne comes home, everyone has just finished watching the new episode on TV._

_When she tries to get a reaction from them, they all try to avoid giving a real answer. Hank, Bobby, Joseph, and Maria leaves the room._

_Lucky and Connie stick by as Luanne sits dejectedly on the couch. She pets Ladybird for comfort._

**Connie **_(whispers)_: "It wasn't that bad."

_Connie smiles. Luanne smiles back._

**Scene V – New Guy in Town**

_The following week, Luanne uses the new names yet again and Bellamy yet again._

**Percy**: "I'm sure glad you chaps will be joining me on our outing at art gallery tonight."

_Bellamy the Bumblebee flies in._

**Bellamy**: "Hello, Manger Babies!"

**Manger Babies**: "Hi, Bellamy!"

**Bellamy**: "Do you want me to show you how we make royal jelly?"

**Octavio**: "Gurgle."

**Bellamy**: "Excellent! Off to the beehive we go!"

_Some of the audience members start groaning. Others start leaving._

_Luanne continues with the show…_

**Bellamy**: "Over here, we give our jelly to the queen, who uses it as a form of nourishment. The nutrients are then used to produce new egg sacs, which help create the new queen bee!"

**Casey**: "Meow! It's too bad us mammals and birds can't make babies like that."

**Bellamy**: "Of course. That's the beautiful thing about being an insect.

Speaking of beauty, some of our royal jelly is used for beauty supplies at local stores and salons. But as you know, bees need the jelly to produce more queens each and every year."

**Luanne** _(nervously)_: "And that is how…royal jelly is made, and why we shouldn't use it for synthetic purposes. The End." _(end theme plays)_

_Luanne sees that the entire audience has left._

_A cricket is chirping. The cricket then leaves too._

_Later that afternoon, when Luanne arrives home, everyone is conversing on the sudden change in the series._

_A special report is on Channel 84._

**Nancy**: "In local news, fans of the popular Manger Babies are still in an uproar over the sudden changes to the show, thanks in part to a new writer hired by the name of Jacques Patterson. The show has fallen out of the Top 5 column, which it had secured for the past seven weeks, and even out of the Top 10 column, which it had since the show's beginning.

We also have breaking news that, due to the low ratings just mentioned, the new episode scheduled for today has been postponed until further notice.

Now, I'm speaking editorially for a moment, but I don't know what the hell is going on. The show was just fine the way it was. My suggestion is for the Manger Babies creator to get her act together and bring us some changes before her beautiful creation is ruined forever."

**Connie**: "Luanne, what exactly does this new guy have in mind for the Manger Babies? Whatever it is, it's not working at all."

**Luanne**: "But it's only been the second week. The changes can't be _that_ bad!"

**Announcer**: "Ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls, The Manger Babies are off on a magical quest, and are unable to say 'hello' today.

So we now give you a full half-hour of Lindsay Lohan."

_Lindsay Lohan appears on the screen to the song "Call on Me"._

**Hank**: "Ugh, turn it off! Turn it off!"

_Joseph stares lustfully at the TV screen._

_Connie snatches the remote from his hands and turns the TV off._

**Hank**: "Luanne, aren't you familiar with television shows?"

**Luanne**: "Yes."

**Hank**: "You know, The Brady Bunch? The Partridge Family? Diff'rent Strokes? The Cosby Show? "

**Luanne**: "Um, not really."

**Hank**: "Shows only add new characters when they're running out of fresh ideas. And most of them still lose their fans."

**Luanne**: "But not all new guys are bad. Remember Jefferson D'Arcy?"

**Hank **_(unpleased)_: "Don't even get me started on Ted McGinley."

_The telephone rings._

_Luanne picks up the phone._

**Luanne**: "Hello?"

**Dale**: "I hope you're happy. You've ruined the last good thing in syndication next to Seinfeld and Raymond."

**Luanne**: "I take it you don't like the changes either, Mr. Gribble?"

**Dale**: "That's right! You and that stupid bee! How could you go Poochie on your own show?!"

**Luanne **_(holding back tears)_: "I'm sorry, Mr. Gribble."

**Hank **_(shouting into phone)_: "Wait a minute. Dale, you told me you don't watch the Manger Babies!"

**Dale**: "Hank, you dope. You ought to know better than to trust a loony toon.

Luanne, you sweet but green lass. When are _you_ going to learn?"

_Luanne shrugs shoulders._

**Dale**: "IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT!!" _(hangs up)_

_Luanne looks despairingly at the TV screen, not knowing what else to expect._

**(end of Act II)**


	3. Chapter 3

King of the Hill

A Connie & Luanne Episode

Skip to My Lu My Darling

Written by Mr. Semaj

**Act III**

**Scene I – Trouble Ahead**

_At a local toy store, children and their parents start to ignore the Manger Babies merchandise on the shelves._

_At Rainey Street, Boomhauer and Bill are standing dejectedly in the alley, as they both had a pretty slow week._

_Plans for the next Manger Babies episode is put on hiatus. _

_Luanne and Patterson meet in the living room later that week._

**Luanne**: "And so, Mr. Patterson, the changes we've made are not going well with audiences."

**Patterson**: "I see where this is going. All those damn sitcoms have built a natural immunity against the 'new guy'.

Never fret, Mrs. Platter. We'll keep Bellamy the Bumblebee on for a few more weeks, and they'll have no choice but to warm up to him."

**Luanne**: "No-no-no, listen. That's not how we run things here. Our fans are our employees. I hired you, not as a fan, but because I felt badly about using what was once yours.

I hate doing this, but…Mr. Patterson, you're…fired."

**Patterson**: "You can't do that to me."

**Luanne**: "Yeah-huh! This is my show, and I'm still in charge of _my_ show."

**Patterson**: "You must be mistaken, Mrs. Platter. If you had reviewed the full contract, you'd know that all of the creative decisions go to _me_ now. And, by right, _I_ get to choose who participates in this project."

_Luanne tries to speak…_

**Patterson**: "Hold that thought!

Bellamy is the new permanent character on this show. Any new additions under my jurisdiction are perfectly legal. And you _will_ comply in your following scripts, starting with the one due in two days, or else you're off the team. Any questions?"

_Luanne remains silent as she starts twiddling her hair._

**Patterson**: "Good. Have a nice day!"

_He slams the door as he walks out._

**Patterson**: "That'll teach her to go Donald Trump on Jacques Q. Patterson!"

**Scene II – The Twist**

_Luanne and Connie are hanging out at the Arlen Public Library the next afternoon._

**Luanne**: "This is terrible! If I comply with Mr. Patterson's standards, the show will be ruined forever, and everybody will blame me! If I don't, I'm off the show, and it'll still be ruined!"

**Connie**: "It happens a lot on television. Look what happened to Ren & Stimpy."

_Connie is skimming through the index files in the archive section._

**Luanne**: "I created the Manger Babies, because I had a vision. I wanted to make religion fun and interesting for today's youth, especially in a time where Christian morals are slowly fading from modern society."

_Luanne kneels down on the floor._

**Luanne** _(to herself)_: "Dear God, I'm in need of help now more than ever. I wanted to make your Words accessible to my fellow Christians, and it's all being taken away from me.

Oh Lord, please help me! Anything at all…just let me know it's all going to be okay.

Amen."

_As Connie continues thumbing through the index files, Luanne sits down at the table, moping to herself._

_Connie picks an index card, which reveals some very important information._

**Connie**: "Hey Lu, come here!" _(Luanne rushes over)_

"Take a look at this!"

_The two review the picked index card. They stare at each other with marvel…_

_The girls find the nearest microfilm machine to look up the information in the Arlen Bystander Archives. When Connie gets to the correct date, she prints it up, and she and Luanne reads the article together._

**Luanne**: "Oh…my…God!"

_That evening, back at the Souphanousinphones', Connie is reclining on the couch, while Luanne is pacing back and forth. Kahn and Minh are in the kitchen._

**Luanne**: "I can't believe this! The owner of Patterson Puppets was a fraud! What am I gonna do?"

**Connie**: "Relax, Lu. At least _you're_ not sunk."

**Luanne**: "What do you mean?"

**Connie**: "Your next story is due tomorrow, right?"

**Luanne**: "Right."

**Connie**: "So, just come up with an all-new story, the way _you_ intend for it to be."

**Luanne**: "But what about Bellamy the Bumblebee?"

**Connie**: "Bellamy will be no more come next week. In fact, I'm going to help you write this new script."

**Luanne**: "You will? Really?"

**Connie**: "Indeed."

**Luanne**: "You're a real friend, Connie. I'll have to repay you somehow. Anything, you name it."

**Connie**: "Anything? Well…"

_Connie visualizes her favor. She envisions Luanne and Joseph brushing and combing her long Rapunzel-like hair._

**Connie**: "But for now, we do the script."

**Scene III – The All-Nighter**

_Connie and Luanne stroll over to Connie's computer. As they walk, the Bee Gee's "More than a Woman" plays, which turns out to be on Connie's radio._

_Luanne opens her Bible, and starts jotting down different passages._

_Connie warms up her computer and opens the Microsoft Word program._

_An hour passes._

_Luanne is finally ready for the presentation.._

_Luanne proclaims the appropriate parts for Obadiah, Hosea, Octopus, and Sir Reginald._

_Connie types in the situation, the setting, and the characters' parts._

_Another two hours pass._

_Connie starts to revise the sections, and fix typos. _

_Luanne gives suggestions on which scenes should be improved, and how the characters should act or move._

_As Connie continues making revisions, she sips a cup of green tea._

_Yet another hour passes._

_After the final revision, Connie saves the document, and prints up the first copy._

_By this time, it is way past bedtime. The girls turn out the lights and jump into bed together. _

_The music fades…_

**Scene IV – The Improved Manger Babies**

_The next day, Luanne reports to Arlen First Methodist Church, with a fresh script wrapped in a document cover. _

_Before everybody leaves from the sermon, Joseph stops by in the activities/theatre room as Luanne is preparing for the next show._

**Joseph**: "Luanne?

Good luck."

_Joseph leaves as the theme song plays and the show begins. _

_Luanne sings the theme song with the characters' previous names._

**Octopus**: "Gurgle-gurgle."

**Hosea**: "Meow-right, Octi. We spent the last two weeks fooling each other with pseudonyms. What a wild ride. "

**Sir Reginald**: "I daresay, guv'nor. It was getting quite tiresome."

**Obadiah**: "Hee-haw! I agree."

**Luanne**: "Now that we got our real names back, what are we going to do this week?"

**Obadiah**: "A trip to the arcade?"

**Hosea**: "A day at the playground?"

**Sir Reginald**: "How's about a spot of tea?"

**Octopus**: "Gurgle. Gurgle-gurgle-gurgle?"

**Luanne**: "That's a great idea, Octopus!

Today, we are going to the art museum!"

**Manger Babies**: "Yay!!"

_The audience mutters for a moment as they regain some enthusiasm. _

_By Act III, Manger Babies are examining a canvas with red, yellow, blue, and green._

**Hosea**: "Meow-don't know. What does it look like?"

**Obadiah**: "It looks like a game of Uno."

**Octopus**: "Gurgle."

**Sir Reginald**: "It reminds me of an old pastime; billiards."

**Luanne** _(gasps)_: "Billiards?"

**Sir Reginald**: "That's right, brilliant billiards! Each color represents a dash of strength in the game.

The red expresses true fortitude in a jolly ol' competition. The green shows the natural fun in playing the game. The blue shows the valor and dedication to the game. The yellow shows your respect for your fellow man."

**Hosea**: "Meow! Who knew that colors could be so colorful?"

**Obadiah**: "And not just in rainbows, but in all kinds of paintings. Hee-haw!"

**Octopus**: "Gurgle gurgle!"

_Bellamy the Bumblebee flies in._

**Bellamy**: "Hello, guys!

I heard you were talking about colors, and that reminds me of a special type of flower some of us bees use for pollen."

_The audience groans._

**Museum Guard**: "Halt!"

**Bellamy**: "What's the problem, Mr. Guard, sir?"

**Museum Guard**: "You came in here without paying."

**Bellamy**: "Sorry. I thought this was Free Admission Day."

**Sir Reginald**: "No-no, my good friend. That is only during the summer season, when all the good children have the world for the taking."

_The children in the audience cheers._

**Museum Guard**: "Mr. Featherbottom is right. And we have a strict punishment for fare evaders here."

**Luanne**: "Uh-oh."

**Museum Guard**: "We lock them in a closet!"

**Bellamy**: "Oh no! AAAH!" _(Bellamy is sent away)_

**Hosea**: "Bye-bye, Bellamy."

**Obadiah**: "We'll miss you."

**Octopus**: "Gurgle."

**Sir Reginald**: "Well, in spite of the minor discrepancy, I must say that we had a marvelous outing today."

**Others**: "Amen!"

**Luanne**: "We sure did, Sir Featherbottom.

So kids, next time you're out somewhere, try to examine the colors of life. Colors can express any range of emotions. I'm sure feeling a bit orange today."

**Sir Reginald**: "And a bit of violet, too."

**Luanne**: "Right! It all depends on your interpretation.

Oh, and unless it's the good ol' summertime, remember to pay for admission at your local art museum."

_As the ending theme plays, the audience cheers and lets off a big applause. Luanne takes her bow._

_Patterson walks in to see the end of the show._

_Two kids in the audience are wondering something._

**Girl**: "So what happens to Bellamy the Bumblebee?"

**Boy**: "Who cares? He's dead."

**Patterson**: "What's all this now?"

_Back at home, Hank and Lucky are enjoying the show while drinking beer. Ladybird is chewing on a ball._

**Lucky**: "I knew my girl would make the right choice eventually."

**Hank**: "She may not be the smartest, or the most experienced, but you have to admire her spirit."

_The applause continues on the television screen._

_A long line of children gets Luanne's autograph again._

**Scene V – Null & Void**

_Back at Reverend Stroup's office, Luanne meets up with the reverend._

**Reverend Stroup**: "Excellent show, Luanne! I don't know how you did it, but you brought the Manger Babies back from the grave!"

_The door bursts open, as Patterson walks in dissatisfied with the show._

**Patterson**: "Well, Mrs. Platter. You defied your contractual obligations.

I'm sorry to have to do this, or perhaps not, but I hereby relieve you of your duties."

**Connie**: "Not so fast." _(Connie walks into the reverend's office.)_

I stopped by to congratulate Luanne on the sudden comeback of the Manger Babies, but now I see this has become a shakedown.

**Reverend Stroup**: "Connie, honey, I didn't like the direction the show was going either, but Luanne did break the obligations from her contract."

**Patterson**: "Hey, you said you liked the new show!"

**Connie**: "Um, no. It turns out I'm the only one who read the contract correctly."

**Reverend Stroup**: "Whatever do you mean, honey?"

**Connie**: "According to Section 3, Paragraph 5, complete ownership of the Manger Babies shall be relinquished to the new owner, which in your case, Mr. Patterson, would be Luanne, if the original owner has any responsibility for the puppets' original demise."

**Reverend Stroup**: "But Mr. Patterson cancelled circulation of the puppets for personal reasons."

**Patterson**: "Do you have any idea how popular Alvin and the Chipmunks were in my day?"

**Connie**: "He obviously didn't tell you the full story." _(walks over to Reverend Stroup's desk)_

"Mrs. Stroup, this man is a fraud!" _(hands her a copy of the archive article)_

_Reverend Stroup puts on her reading glasses and reads it. Patterson starts to sweat._

**Reverend Stroup**: "According to this article, dated July 30, 1964, Patterson Puppets went out of business, after the puppets failed to make an impression on children and their families. The puppets enjoyed only a brief and modest success from the time they were created by 32 year-old Jacques Patterson in 1957, but were quickly overshadowed by the competition, including Walt Disney, Warner Bros., and Walter Lantz, all of whose merchandising tie-ins were strengthened by the syndication of their theatrical cartoons.

Patterson Puppets' lukewarm reception with the public can be attributed to several factors. In addition to the competition, weak characterizations from Dunstan, Casey, Octavio VIII, and Percy, the flagship puppets, prevented them from fully connecting with children, due to the puppeteer's sporadic attention to detail. But the deathblow for Patterson can be attributed to the failure of the newest puppet, Bellamy the Bumblebee, who was considered the most _unlikable_ in the Patterson Puppets canon.

Mr. Patterson was not available for comment."

**Luanne**: "That explains why, even though Mr. Patterson wrote his own scripts, he never sat-in on their actual performances."

**Connie**: "He was at times an absentee businessman. In fact, he moved to Wichita Falls right after his business collapsed. And everybody hated Bellamy the Bumblebee, because he's such a one-note character."

**Patterson**: "And yet somehow, an octopus who says but one freaking word fared better.

Look, whatever this is about, this is probably a huge misunderstanding."

**Reverend Stroup**: "I'm afraid it is.

Jacques Patterson…you're fried."

**Patterson**: "Aw, dammit! Dammit all to freaking hell!"

_Everybody gasps._

**Patterson**: "I figured in time, everyone would've forgotten that debacle. Then I would've made a fresh start among the next generation."

**Reverend Stroup**: "Not quite. Your re-tooling of this wonderful show has cost us the faith of our Christian community, the last thing we need anymore in this world. And the only reason so many people forgot Patterson Puppets was because they were barely worth remembering in the first place.

Your products found success from this young lady, because she knows what the audience wants. And that sir, is why the name 'Patterson Puppets' is null and void.

_Luanne and Connie squeal in delight._

**Patterson**: "AARGGH!!"

_Patterson throws his hat on the ground and starts stomping on it, as Luanne, Connie, and Reverend Stroup enjoy their victory._

_Later, Reverend Stroup goes over the revised contract with Luanne and Connie._

**Reverend Stroup**: "And let it be known, from this day forward, that any and all properties by the name of Patterson Puppets shall be known as the Manger Babies, and the owner of said name retains all ownership to the marionette puppets unless she relinquishes ownership for any reason upon her own will."

**Luanne**: "And let it also be known, that I am appointing all creative decisions to my best friend, Connie Souphanousinphone. Each new script and overall content will meet her authorization before airtime."

**Connie**: "Okay.

You'll finally have more time to prepare for parenthood."

**Luanne**: "Yes. And I'm sure you'll make an excellent advisor."

**Reverend Stroup**: "So, are we all agreed?"

**Girls**: "Agreed."

_Luanne signs the new contract. She shakes hands with Reverend Stroup and Connie._

**Scene VI – Back to the Basics**

_The following Sunday, Luanne puts on a spectacular performance of the improved Manger Babies. The audience was laughing at a joke that was just made._

**Luanne**: "Well, we all had fun today. We learned to be blessed for our individual talents. Whatever it may be, sing a song, dance a dance, draw a drawing, anything that defines _you_.

Remember, each one of our talents can help contribute to a better world and a brighter tomorrow. Thank you!"

_The audience cheers and applauds._

_Back at home, Connie, Joseph, Bobby, Maria, and Lucky have regained interest in the Manger Babies as well._

_From the window, Kahn and Minh show their approval._

_Hank, Bill, Boomhauer, and Dale are all sipping beer in the alley._

**Hank**: "Yep."

**Bill**: "Yep."

**Boomhauer**: "Mm-hmm."

**Dale**: "Yep."

_The men are looking at the clouds that are shaped like the Manger Babies. Obadiah the Donkey, Hosea the Cat, Octopus, and Sir Reginald Featherbottom III._

_Two weeks later, everybody is waiting nervously in the Hills' living room. They're waiting for Luanne to come home._

_The door opens…_

_Luanne comes in…_

_Everyone shows signs of satisfaction as Luanne came in with her first ever Emmy Award._

_That evening, Maria is in the kitchen feeding Bobby grapes from a fruit basket Luanne received. _

_Luanne, Connie, Lucky, and Joseph are all watching television on the Hills' couch._

_They are watching as Jamie Weinman gives a speech in front of an enthusiastic audience._

**Jamie J. Weinman**: "The show is back with a vengeance. And it is with great pleasure that I declare The Manger Babies the most Outstanding Children's Program of the Year!" _(gives a thumbs up)_

_Crowd applauds._

**Nancy**: "That was the scene today at the Television Critics Association Summit, where the Manger Babies received accolades, following its surprise comeback from a brief downturn.

Show creator Luanne Platter earned the very first Emmy win for both herself and Channel 84."

**Jamie J. Weinman**: "It's like the old saying: There's nothing like getting back to the basics."

_Luanne, Connie, Lucky, and Joseph all agreed._

**Altogether**: "Amen!"

_Screen shuts off._

**(end of Act III)**

**The End**

**Tagline**:

**Jamie J. Weinman**: "That's all folks!"

12


End file.
